DBQ Document Based Question
C/C Compare/Contrast
CCOT Change/Continuity Over Time
20 Words and Phrases to Use from September Lecture (Japan- PERSIA style)
1. PERSIA (Political, Economic, Religious, Social, Intellectual, Arts) or SPRITE (Social, Political, Religious, Intellectual, Technological, Economic)
2. Political Orientation / Economic Orientation....etc.
3. Political factors contributing to (blah) include (blah, blah, blah), Economic factors that contribute....etc.
2. Political Orientation / Economic Orientation....etc.
3. Political factors contributing to (blah) include (blah, blah, blah), Economic factors that contribute....etc.
20 Words and Phrases to Use from October Lecture (Philosphy - Culture of Concepts)
1. Cultural Lens, conceptual framework
2. Manifestation, blah manifests itself in blah
3. The Mind, the Might and the Policy Maker
4. Core Concept / Institutionalized Concept
5. Societal Action / Institutionalization of Action
6. Currency (Social Currency, etc.), to have currency with a particular group)
7. Assimilation, Acculturation (and national or other examples: Russify, Americanize, Demottization)
8. Cultural Diffusion, Cultural Transferance (the transfer of culture, the diffused cultures of blah and blah)
9. Merging Cultures
10. Dimensions of Culture (Hofstede's dimensions)
11. Transference of ideas, influence of thought
12. Clash of ideas / clash of cultures / cultures colliding
13. Adherents / believers
14. Extremists / Centrists
15. Social Construct
2. Manifestation, blah manifests itself in blah
3. The Mind, the Might and the Policy Maker
4. Core Concept / Institutionalized Concept
5. Societal Action / Institutionalization of Action
6. Currency (Social Currency, etc.), to have currency with a particular group)
7. Assimilation, Acculturation (and national or other examples: Russify, Americanize, Demottization)
8. Cultural Diffusion, Cultural Transferance (the transfer of culture, the diffused cultures of blah and blah)
9. Merging Cultures
10. Dimensions of Culture (Hofstede's dimensions)
11. Transference of ideas, influence of thought
12. Clash of ideas / clash of cultures / cultures colliding
13. Adherents / believers
14. Extremists / Centrists
15. Social Construct
20 Words and Phrases to Use from November Lecture (Death of God - Religious views)
20 Words and Phrases to Use from December Lecture (Latin America - Regions)
20 Words and Phrases to Use from January Lecture (Slavery & Diasporas - Movements)
20 Words and Phrases to Use from February Lecture (Poland - Types of Authority)
20 Words and Phrases to Use from March Lecture (Indian Independence - Migration)
20 Words and Phrases to Use from April Lecture (Art as a Reflection - Representations)
20 Words and Phrases to Use from May Lecture (Commodities - Economics)
Essay Student Samples with Comments
Please find below the sample essays and comments of students.
Comment 1
Ok, please take my comments with the understanding that I think you are a naturally curious individual…the perfect history student in this respect. Now trust your instinct and risk making a statement that may be argued against.
Comment 2
Note: I have the words summative and fact in many of my comments. Try a very formulated writing style. 1. Decide on three to five points you must make (our fingers on the hand). If you come up with more, decide to use them only if you have more time. You are concerned about running out of time, so what you are doing is trying to get the facts out. You must use this formula. Summary/Fact (1st sentence), Explanation or Example or Your commentary (sentences 2,3, and 4) This is the rule of three. Then you can give another factual sentence. Notice, you are essentially stringing facts together, so it sounds a bit like this. “There was a murder. John was home. His wife’s body was found that night in the garage. The knife that killed her had his finger prints on it. The neighbors said they was an argument.”
The suggestion is that John murdered his wife, but it is not evident to the reader because numerous conclusions can be drawn from this information. Perhaps John was home sleeping. Perhaps the body was moved to the garage. Perhaps the knife was John’s pocket knife and he always handled it. Perhaps the argument was a Spanish soap opera. Or perhaps John indeed killed his wife. You need to supply the conclusion, not through facts, but through explanations, examples and commentary.
Comment 3
Summative
Comment 4
Ok, group citations only if the sentence preceding it is true for all of the documents. You are certainly welcome to document throughout the paragraph as well, especially if there is a direct quote.
Comment 5
Fact
Comment 6
Fact
Comment 7
To whom….economically there are always winners and losers because the story of economics is really the story of allocation of resources and things that are considered “valuable” to the society at hand.
Comment 8
Fact
Comment 9
Ok, overall there is a listing feeling to this essay, as if there is a car with no driver.
What is your main point? To me it seems to be your first sentence. China is diminishing financially; Spain is skyrocketing.
You must think beyond the document. Do you recall in class the flyer for a senior project? No where did it say “this is a senior project”; so why did you deduce that it was? Basically from your knowledge of the time period and location (i.e. 2012 in the spring at THS)…
So tell us the story of Latin America just after the arrival of the Spanish. For 3 or 4 sentences abandon the question altogether (without getting on a tangent, of course) and tell us the story.
So your essay may read like this:
“The economics of silver diminished the financial stability in China, while the Spanish were living high up on the hog. Filthy rich, the Conquistadors, who conquered an entire continent with Toledo steel, an infectious smallpox bacteria, and a superiority complex fostered by a 700 year battle with Iberian Moors, felt that they had God given rights to use their military for their own economic gain. They did so with a vengeance and enslaved the continent of surviving Indians, supplementing the burgeoning demands for labor with new shipments of West African slaves fresh from the Portuguese slavers along the Slave Coast.
China, on the other hand, steeped in a tradition influenced by a thousand year old transit system for their silken goods, and under the hegemonious sphere of the economically savor Mongolian khans (who would, in fact, start up the khanate of China, dubbed the Yuan Dynasty), saw less need for the production of goods and therefore less need for the labor force, and accompanying coercive labor practices that went along with it. Wealth was accumulated through the time tested, albeit slow, process of trade. By comparison then, the quick rise of the Iberian wealth was really due to the acceptance of an economic imperialism that matched their political and religious realities.”
Note: I didn’t mention a single document, but I have a clear purpose in my exposition, i.e. to prove your thesis. I name drop without the need for full explanations; I explain looking behind the actual documents (i.e. I explain through an explanation of significance); I simply tell the story…and all good stories have a beginning, a middle and an end, characters, conflict, and climax (put in historical terms, all historical stories have a cause, a development, and a consequence, historical figures, clash of ideas / philosophies / motivations, and a turning point)
After the background history - now go into the documents to support and/or refute what your background history had to say.
Comment 10
Clarify. “like” should be “in the same way that”
Comment 11
Again, clarify. It sounds like Confucianism is the end of the list of three…but here it is doing the action
Comment 12
Same concept as in the other essay. Commentary. So Fact, Commentary, Commentary, Commentary, Fact, C,c,c,f,c,c,c,f,c,c,c….
Comment 13
Actually they were still polytheistic until Christianity was fully accepted by the empire.
Comment 14
Not really….they were the most famous rulers, however.
Comment 15
Ok, here’s what I think you are doing (correct me if I’m wrong….you are holding your hand out to get five things down….ok great for brainstorming. What’s missing in the writing, however, is the connection or significance. Follow a very stringent structure of Background history ( paragraph one), Major changes that took place in area one (para two), why these changes took place (para three), major changes that took place in area two (para four), why these changes took place (para five), continuities that remained in area one (para six), continuities that remained in area two (para seven), why continuities happen (para eight). Throughout the essay, add the detail regarding changes by using these words (major event, turning point, systemic change, catalyst, etc…whatever we had the other day). Throughout the continuity paragraphs add words that detail status quo (whatever words we used on Friday).
Also, always use words of transition. “unlike the Romans….” ; “Very similar in nature, the Chinese….”; “On the other hand”….; Changes can be grouped into two categories….Let the reader know where you are going. And never have a sentence that doesn’t lend itself to the next sentence…i.e. all sentences / facts should have the significance shown.
Essays
DBQ[E1] [E2]
The economics of silver diminished the financial stability in China during the Ming dynasty while the Spanish were living high up on the hog[E3] . The Spanish were filthy rich because they supposedly had silver mountains were they mint into silver coins. The Ming dynasty was not producing as much silver as the Spanish. The Ming dynasty, the peasantry had poor harvests which is the direct result of the failure of the silver coins. (Doc.7, Doc.3, Doc.5, and Doc.1)[E4]
In 1571, the high prices of silver caught the eye of many Asian commodities because silver was used to pay taxes in China[E5] . The Spanish took coins secretly to Spain without paying the 20% tax[E6] . [E7] The Indians were put to work in the Potosi silver mine with obstacles caused by the ore[E8] . (Doc.2 and Doc. 6)
The British traded in Asia along with the Portuguese. The Portuguese traded silk, gold, and perfume on their journey to Japan in return they gained silver from Japan. The Portuguese gain Japanese coins to use in their advantage over China. The Europeans get luxury items from Asia because they grew accustomed to wanting Asian spices. The dispersion of European gold and silver never returned to Europe. The missing document would be informing of the Europeans peasantry because the Chinese point of view was told with the stand point of hardships. (Doc.4, Doc.8, and missing document[E9] )
CCOT
The Chinese were at the height of reigning and the most unified when the Han dynasty came to power because religion was setting into the Chinese culture like [E10] the Romans with Christianity. The Chinese practiced Legalism, Laoism (Daoism), and Confucianism [E11] transformed thought just as the Enlightenment evolved the European view of religion to more of an optimistic view. The Han dynasty encouraged Confucianism but, Legalism and Daoism were accepted[E12] .
The Roman was polytheistic until after the death of Christ[E13] . The Roman Empire separated while one was the Roman Empire and the other was the Byzantine Empire. The Byzantine Empire started with Justinian and Theodora. [E14] The Byzantine Empire produced the Justinian Code along with the great architecture shown in the Haiga Sophia. The Romans did not use idols and did not allow for color to be exposed. The Byzantine Empire used idols and allowed for the priests to marry to convey their message.
Neo-Confucianism resided in Korea, Japan, and parts of Southeast Asia that the Chinese heavily influenced. The Korean alphabet, han’gul derived from the Chinese character system. Japan’s government was based upon the Chinese government. The Japanese capital as a model of Chang’an, the Chinese capital. The Romans under Alexander the Great went to Africa and India. Alexander the Great setup an Alexandria in Egypt where there stood the Lighthouse of Alexandria and a library to give Egyptians a Roman education. The Lighthouse of Alexandria was lit by a fire at the bottom reflected to the top with mirrors. The Sui dynasty constructed the Grand Canal which improved the inter-trade in China and made areas more accessible to the military resulting in the improvement of national security. The Han dynasty improves warfare tactics but, the economics status was failing until the Sui dynasty.
The Chinese held close to their beliefs of the role women play in society. The Chinese women practiced foot binding and followed the duties of a women which were taught through Confucianism are still practiced today. The women in Roman society had similar duties. The Roman women were expected to keep order in the home and fulfill the duties of wife. The Chinese gained the principle of respecting elders from Confucianism[E15] .
[E1]Ok, please take my comments with the understanding that I think you are a naturally curious individual…the perfect history student in this respect. Now trust your instinct and risk making a statement that may be argued against.
[E2]Note: I have the words summative and fact in many of my comments. Try a very formulated writing style. 1. Decide on three to five points you must make (our fingers on the hand). If you come up with more, decide to use them only if you have more time. You are concerned about running out of time, so what you are doing is trying to get the facts out. You must use this formula. Summary/Fact (1st sentence), Explanation or Example or Your commentary (sentences 2,3, and 4) This is the rule of three. Then you can give another factual sentence. Notice, you are essentially stringing facts together, so it sounds a bit like this. “There was a murder. John was home. His wife’s body was found that night in the garage. The knife that killed her had his finger prints on it. The neighbors said they was an argument.”
The suggestion is that John murdered his wife, but it is not evident to the reader because numerous conclusions can be drawn from this information. Perhaps John was home sleeping. Perhaps the body was moved to the garage. Perhaps the knife was John’s pocket knife and he always handled it. Perhaps the argument was a Spanish soap opera. Or perhaps John indeed killed his wife. You need to supply the conclusion, not through facts, but through explanations, examples and commentary.
[E3]Summative
[E4]Ok, group citations only if the sentence preceding it is true for all of the documents. You are certainly welcome to document throughout the paragraph as well, especially if there is a direct quote.
[E5]fact
[E6]fact
[E7]To whom….economically there are always winners and losers because the story of economics is really the story of allocation of resources and things that are considered “valuable” to the society at hand.
[E8]Fact
[E9]Ok, overall there is a listing feeling to this essay, as if there is a car with no driver.
What is your main point? To me it seems to be your first sentence. China is diminishing financially; Spain is skyrocketing.
You must think beyond the document. Do you recall in class the flyer for a senior project? No where did it say “this is a senior project”; so why did you deduce that it was? Basically from your knowledge of the time period and location (i.e. 2012 in the spring at THS)…
So tell us the story of Latin America just after the arrival of the Spanish. For 3 or 4 sentences abandon the question altogether (without getting on a tangent, of course) and tell us the story.
So your essay may read like this:
“The economics of silver diminished the financial stability in China, while the Spanish were living high up on the hog. Filthy rich, the Conquistadors, who conquered an entire continent with Toledo steel, an infectious smallpox bacteria, and a superiority complex fostered by a 700 year battle with Iberian Moors, felt that they had God given rights to use their military for their own economic gain. They did so with a vengeance and enslaved the continent of surviving Indians, supplementing the burgeoning demands for labor with new shipments of West African slaves fresh from the Portuguese slavers along the Slave Coast.
China, on the other hand, steeped in a tradition influenced by a thousand year old transit system for their silken goods, and under the hegemonious sphere of the economically savor Mongolian khans (who would, in fact, start up the khanate of China, dubbed the Yuan Dynasty), saw less need for the production of goods and therefore less need for the labor force, and accompanying coercive labor practices that went along with it. Wealth was accumulated through the time tested, albeit slow, process of trade. By comparison then, the quick rise of the Iberian wealth was really due to the acceptance of an economic imperialism that matched their political and religious realities.”
Note: I didn’t mention a single document, but I have a clear purpose in my exposition, i.e. to prove your thesis. I name drop without the need for full explanations; I explain looking behind the actual documents (i.e. I explain through an explanation of significance); I simply tell the story…and all good stories have a beginning, a middle and an end, characters, conflict, and climax (put in historical terms, all historical stories have a cause, a development, and a consequence, historical figures, clash of ideas / philosophies / motivations, and a turning point)
After the background history - now go into the documents to support and/or refute what your background history had to say.
[E10]Clarify. “like” should be “in the same way that”
[E11]Again, clarify. It sounds like Confucianism is the end of the list of three…but here it is doing the action
[E12]Same concept as in the other essay. Commentary. So Fact, Commentary, Commentary, Commentary, Fact, C,c,c,f,c,c,c,f,c,c,c….
[E13]Actually they were still polytheistic until Christianity was fully accepted by the empire.
[E14]Not really….they were the most famous rulers, however.
[E15]Ok, here’s what I think you are doing (correct me if I’m wrong….you are holding your hand out to get five things down….ok great for brainstorming. What’s missing in the writing, however, is the connection or significance. Follow a very stringent structure of Background history ( paragraph one), Major changes that took place in area one (para two), why these changes took place (para three), major changes that took place in area two (para four), why these changes took place (para five), continuities that remained in area one (para six), continuities that remained in area two (para seven), why continuities happen (para eight). Throughout the essay, add the detail regarding changes by using these words (major event, turning point, systemic change, catalyst, etc…whatever we had the other day). Throughout the continuity paragraphs add words that detail status quo (whatever words we used on Friday).
Also, always use words of transition. “unlike the Romans….” ; “Very similar in nature, the Chinese….”; “On the other hand”….; Changes can be grouped into two categories….Let the reader know where you are going. And never have a sentence that doesn’t lend itself to the next sentence…i.e. all sentences / facts should have the significance shown.
Comment 1
Ok, please take my comments with the understanding that I think you are a naturally curious individual…the perfect history student in this respect. Now trust your instinct and risk making a statement that may be argued against.
Comment 2
Note: I have the words summative and fact in many of my comments. Try a very formulated writing style. 1. Decide on three to five points you must make (our fingers on the hand). If you come up with more, decide to use them only if you have more time. You are concerned about running out of time, so what you are doing is trying to get the facts out. You must use this formula. Summary/Fact (1st sentence), Explanation or Example or Your commentary (sentences 2,3, and 4) This is the rule of three. Then you can give another factual sentence. Notice, you are essentially stringing facts together, so it sounds a bit like this. “There was a murder. John was home. His wife’s body was found that night in the garage. The knife that killed her had his finger prints on it. The neighbors said they was an argument.”
The suggestion is that John murdered his wife, but it is not evident to the reader because numerous conclusions can be drawn from this information. Perhaps John was home sleeping. Perhaps the body was moved to the garage. Perhaps the knife was John’s pocket knife and he always handled it. Perhaps the argument was a Spanish soap opera. Or perhaps John indeed killed his wife. You need to supply the conclusion, not through facts, but through explanations, examples and commentary.
Comment 3
Summative
Comment 4
Ok, group citations only if the sentence preceding it is true for all of the documents. You are certainly welcome to document throughout the paragraph as well, especially if there is a direct quote.
Comment 5
Fact
Comment 6
Fact
Comment 7
To whom….economically there are always winners and losers because the story of economics is really the story of allocation of resources and things that are considered “valuable” to the society at hand.
Comment 8
Fact
Comment 9
Ok, overall there is a listing feeling to this essay, as if there is a car with no driver.
What is your main point? To me it seems to be your first sentence. China is diminishing financially; Spain is skyrocketing.
You must think beyond the document. Do you recall in class the flyer for a senior project? No where did it say “this is a senior project”; so why did you deduce that it was? Basically from your knowledge of the time period and location (i.e. 2012 in the spring at THS)…
So tell us the story of Latin America just after the arrival of the Spanish. For 3 or 4 sentences abandon the question altogether (without getting on a tangent, of course) and tell us the story.
So your essay may read like this:
“The economics of silver diminished the financial stability in China, while the Spanish were living high up on the hog. Filthy rich, the Conquistadors, who conquered an entire continent with Toledo steel, an infectious smallpox bacteria, and a superiority complex fostered by a 700 year battle with Iberian Moors, felt that they had God given rights to use their military for their own economic gain. They did so with a vengeance and enslaved the continent of surviving Indians, supplementing the burgeoning demands for labor with new shipments of West African slaves fresh from the Portuguese slavers along the Slave Coast.
China, on the other hand, steeped in a tradition influenced by a thousand year old transit system for their silken goods, and under the hegemonious sphere of the economically savor Mongolian khans (who would, in fact, start up the khanate of China, dubbed the Yuan Dynasty), saw less need for the production of goods and therefore less need for the labor force, and accompanying coercive labor practices that went along with it. Wealth was accumulated through the time tested, albeit slow, process of trade. By comparison then, the quick rise of the Iberian wealth was really due to the acceptance of an economic imperialism that matched their political and religious realities.”
Note: I didn’t mention a single document, but I have a clear purpose in my exposition, i.e. to prove your thesis. I name drop without the need for full explanations; I explain looking behind the actual documents (i.e. I explain through an explanation of significance); I simply tell the story…and all good stories have a beginning, a middle and an end, characters, conflict, and climax (put in historical terms, all historical stories have a cause, a development, and a consequence, historical figures, clash of ideas / philosophies / motivations, and a turning point)
After the background history - now go into the documents to support and/or refute what your background history had to say.
Comment 10
Clarify. “like” should be “in the same way that”
Comment 11
Again, clarify. It sounds like Confucianism is the end of the list of three…but here it is doing the action
Comment 12
Same concept as in the other essay. Commentary. So Fact, Commentary, Commentary, Commentary, Fact, C,c,c,f,c,c,c,f,c,c,c….
Comment 13
Actually they were still polytheistic until Christianity was fully accepted by the empire.
Comment 14
Not really….they were the most famous rulers, however.
Comment 15
Ok, here’s what I think you are doing (correct me if I’m wrong….you are holding your hand out to get five things down….ok great for brainstorming. What’s missing in the writing, however, is the connection or significance. Follow a very stringent structure of Background history ( paragraph one), Major changes that took place in area one (para two), why these changes took place (para three), major changes that took place in area two (para four), why these changes took place (para five), continuities that remained in area one (para six), continuities that remained in area two (para seven), why continuities happen (para eight). Throughout the essay, add the detail regarding changes by using these words (major event, turning point, systemic change, catalyst, etc…whatever we had the other day). Throughout the continuity paragraphs add words that detail status quo (whatever words we used on Friday).
Also, always use words of transition. “unlike the Romans….” ; “Very similar in nature, the Chinese….”; “On the other hand”….; Changes can be grouped into two categories….Let the reader know where you are going. And never have a sentence that doesn’t lend itself to the next sentence…i.e. all sentences / facts should have the significance shown.
Essays
DBQ[E1] [E2]
The economics of silver diminished the financial stability in China during the Ming dynasty while the Spanish were living high up on the hog[E3] . The Spanish were filthy rich because they supposedly had silver mountains were they mint into silver coins. The Ming dynasty was not producing as much silver as the Spanish. The Ming dynasty, the peasantry had poor harvests which is the direct result of the failure of the silver coins. (Doc.7, Doc.3, Doc.5, and Doc.1)[E4]
In 1571, the high prices of silver caught the eye of many Asian commodities because silver was used to pay taxes in China[E5] . The Spanish took coins secretly to Spain without paying the 20% tax[E6] . [E7] The Indians were put to work in the Potosi silver mine with obstacles caused by the ore[E8] . (Doc.2 and Doc. 6)
The British traded in Asia along with the Portuguese. The Portuguese traded silk, gold, and perfume on their journey to Japan in return they gained silver from Japan. The Portuguese gain Japanese coins to use in their advantage over China. The Europeans get luxury items from Asia because they grew accustomed to wanting Asian spices. The dispersion of European gold and silver never returned to Europe. The missing document would be informing of the Europeans peasantry because the Chinese point of view was told with the stand point of hardships. (Doc.4, Doc.8, and missing document[E9] )
CCOT
The Chinese were at the height of reigning and the most unified when the Han dynasty came to power because religion was setting into the Chinese culture like [E10] the Romans with Christianity. The Chinese practiced Legalism, Laoism (Daoism), and Confucianism [E11] transformed thought just as the Enlightenment evolved the European view of religion to more of an optimistic view. The Han dynasty encouraged Confucianism but, Legalism and Daoism were accepted[E12] .
The Roman was polytheistic until after the death of Christ[E13] . The Roman Empire separated while one was the Roman Empire and the other was the Byzantine Empire. The Byzantine Empire started with Justinian and Theodora. [E14] The Byzantine Empire produced the Justinian Code along with the great architecture shown in the Haiga Sophia. The Romans did not use idols and did not allow for color to be exposed. The Byzantine Empire used idols and allowed for the priests to marry to convey their message.
Neo-Confucianism resided in Korea, Japan, and parts of Southeast Asia that the Chinese heavily influenced. The Korean alphabet, han’gul derived from the Chinese character system. Japan’s government was based upon the Chinese government. The Japanese capital as a model of Chang’an, the Chinese capital. The Romans under Alexander the Great went to Africa and India. Alexander the Great setup an Alexandria in Egypt where there stood the Lighthouse of Alexandria and a library to give Egyptians a Roman education. The Lighthouse of Alexandria was lit by a fire at the bottom reflected to the top with mirrors. The Sui dynasty constructed the Grand Canal which improved the inter-trade in China and made areas more accessible to the military resulting in the improvement of national security. The Han dynasty improves warfare tactics but, the economics status was failing until the Sui dynasty.
The Chinese held close to their beliefs of the role women play in society. The Chinese women practiced foot binding and followed the duties of a women which were taught through Confucianism are still practiced today. The women in Roman society had similar duties. The Roman women were expected to keep order in the home and fulfill the duties of wife. The Chinese gained the principle of respecting elders from Confucianism[E15] .
[E1]Ok, please take my comments with the understanding that I think you are a naturally curious individual…the perfect history student in this respect. Now trust your instinct and risk making a statement that may be argued against.
[E2]Note: I have the words summative and fact in many of my comments. Try a very formulated writing style. 1. Decide on three to five points you must make (our fingers on the hand). If you come up with more, decide to use them only if you have more time. You are concerned about running out of time, so what you are doing is trying to get the facts out. You must use this formula. Summary/Fact (1st sentence), Explanation or Example or Your commentary (sentences 2,3, and 4) This is the rule of three. Then you can give another factual sentence. Notice, you are essentially stringing facts together, so it sounds a bit like this. “There was a murder. John was home. His wife’s body was found that night in the garage. The knife that killed her had his finger prints on it. The neighbors said they was an argument.”
The suggestion is that John murdered his wife, but it is not evident to the reader because numerous conclusions can be drawn from this information. Perhaps John was home sleeping. Perhaps the body was moved to the garage. Perhaps the knife was John’s pocket knife and he always handled it. Perhaps the argument was a Spanish soap opera. Or perhaps John indeed killed his wife. You need to supply the conclusion, not through facts, but through explanations, examples and commentary.
[E3]Summative
[E4]Ok, group citations only if the sentence preceding it is true for all of the documents. You are certainly welcome to document throughout the paragraph as well, especially if there is a direct quote.
[E5]fact
[E6]fact
[E7]To whom….economically there are always winners and losers because the story of economics is really the story of allocation of resources and things that are considered “valuable” to the society at hand.
[E8]Fact
[E9]Ok, overall there is a listing feeling to this essay, as if there is a car with no driver.
What is your main point? To me it seems to be your first sentence. China is diminishing financially; Spain is skyrocketing.
You must think beyond the document. Do you recall in class the flyer for a senior project? No where did it say “this is a senior project”; so why did you deduce that it was? Basically from your knowledge of the time period and location (i.e. 2012 in the spring at THS)…
So tell us the story of Latin America just after the arrival of the Spanish. For 3 or 4 sentences abandon the question altogether (without getting on a tangent, of course) and tell us the story.
So your essay may read like this:
“The economics of silver diminished the financial stability in China, while the Spanish were living high up on the hog. Filthy rich, the Conquistadors, who conquered an entire continent with Toledo steel, an infectious smallpox bacteria, and a superiority complex fostered by a 700 year battle with Iberian Moors, felt that they had God given rights to use their military for their own economic gain. They did so with a vengeance and enslaved the continent of surviving Indians, supplementing the burgeoning demands for labor with new shipments of West African slaves fresh from the Portuguese slavers along the Slave Coast.
China, on the other hand, steeped in a tradition influenced by a thousand year old transit system for their silken goods, and under the hegemonious sphere of the economically savor Mongolian khans (who would, in fact, start up the khanate of China, dubbed the Yuan Dynasty), saw less need for the production of goods and therefore less need for the labor force, and accompanying coercive labor practices that went along with it. Wealth was accumulated through the time tested, albeit slow, process of trade. By comparison then, the quick rise of the Iberian wealth was really due to the acceptance of an economic imperialism that matched their political and religious realities.”
Note: I didn’t mention a single document, but I have a clear purpose in my exposition, i.e. to prove your thesis. I name drop without the need for full explanations; I explain looking behind the actual documents (i.e. I explain through an explanation of significance); I simply tell the story…and all good stories have a beginning, a middle and an end, characters, conflict, and climax (put in historical terms, all historical stories have a cause, a development, and a consequence, historical figures, clash of ideas / philosophies / motivations, and a turning point)
After the background history - now go into the documents to support and/or refute what your background history had to say.
[E10]Clarify. “like” should be “in the same way that”
[E11]Again, clarify. It sounds like Confucianism is the end of the list of three…but here it is doing the action
[E12]Same concept as in the other essay. Commentary. So Fact, Commentary, Commentary, Commentary, Fact, C,c,c,f,c,c,c,f,c,c,c….
[E13]Actually they were still polytheistic until Christianity was fully accepted by the empire.
[E14]Not really….they were the most famous rulers, however.
[E15]Ok, here’s what I think you are doing (correct me if I’m wrong….you are holding your hand out to get five things down….ok great for brainstorming. What’s missing in the writing, however, is the connection or significance. Follow a very stringent structure of Background history ( paragraph one), Major changes that took place in area one (para two), why these changes took place (para three), major changes that took place in area two (para four), why these changes took place (para five), continuities that remained in area one (para six), continuities that remained in area two (para seven), why continuities happen (para eight). Throughout the essay, add the detail regarding changes by using these words (major event, turning point, systemic change, catalyst, etc…whatever we had the other day). Throughout the continuity paragraphs add words that detail status quo (whatever words we used on Friday).
Also, always use words of transition. “unlike the Romans….” ; “Very similar in nature, the Chinese….”; “On the other hand”….; Changes can be grouped into two categories….Let the reader know where you are going. And never have a sentence that doesn’t lend itself to the next sentence…i.e. all sentences / facts should have the significance shown.